Thursday, 31 May 2012

God Save The Queen

So for those of you who don't know there's a woman in the UK who is about to celebrate 60 years in the same job her name is Elizabeth and she happens to be Queen. As is usual in the typical medieval village, a George ARR Martin, or one of the worlds leading developed nations, apparently, there is to be a public holiday. Unlike the average medieval village the money for this entire affair is coming straight out of the public coffers. Now obviously back when medieval lords were having parties to celebrate there time at the top of monkey tree they were spending money that they had gathered from the public. Money that they had, and this is very important, they actually earned.

If you don't think Tyrion Lannister deserves to be rich you're an idiot.

Now I'm not going to say that the average medieval lord didn't have a significantly better life than the average serf however they existed in a system where they inherited not just money and lands but also all of the actual work involved in running a kingdom, solving disputes and so forth. I'm not going to pretend that some of them didn't give the slightest nano-fuck but they were encouraged to do so by the simple truth that a more peaceful land was a more profitable. The point I'm making here is that they had great power and, as I'm certain you're aware, with great power comes great responsibility that's as true for feudalism as it is for radioactive spider-bites. I'm not saying that ye olde lords deserved their comparatively vast wealth, they deserved it about as much as a modern day investment bankers. While we may all utterly despise the method by which these folk earned their money we can all agree that it is, sadly, their money. So when a medieval lord gets all the smallfolk into the courtyard rolls out load of mead and rosts a couple of boar it's very much him throwing the party. That's not what's happening for the Diamond Jubilee.

Pictured: Princess Anne

We, a country so impoverished that we're having to sell our national health service to the Prime Ministers chums, are paying a vast sum of moolah to throw a party for the richest woman in the world. She has done exactly fuck all to earn this position and all we are celebrating is that the rest of us have stopped anyone or anything from killing her. So why the fuck isn't she footing the bill for her party. The bitch could easily afford to purchase every single mother-fucker in this country a pint of their choosing but instead she doesn't do a fucking thing and we through her family their second huge party of the last two years. Some people reading this are already rolling out the old tourism argument.

It's really this retarded.

That argument, for those who have had the good fortune of not arguing with twats, states that the royal family is good for tourism so we should obviously keep the fuckers around. Turning one of our counties into a vast paedophile haven would be good for tourism but no-one thinks that's a good idea. OK that might be a bit extreme but if the only argument you have for paying for an entirely family of wasters to go shake hands with people is that it's good for tourism well then you have to be in favour of replacing it with anything that would be better for tourism. So let's get rid of the royals and turn there lands into a series of Harry Potter theme parks. Balmoral is in Scotland that could be Hogwarts and Buckingham Palace could be converted into Diagon Alley, Nocturn Alley and Gringotts. That'd be way better for tourism wouldn't it?


The thing is that I'm not actually massively against the royal family. I view them in the same way I view the BBC, I pay a relatively small fee year on year for the privilege of being entertained by the BBC. Equally I pay a small fee every year for the simple pleasure of watching Prince Philip being a hilarious wanker. The royals are the equivalent of owning a dancing bear, unfortunately to make the bear dance for my amusement we have to keep it a cage better than any of our homes. The issue I have is that in the relationship between us, the peasants, and the royals, the royals are very much the beneficiaries. As such they should be the ones who throw the fucking party.

Like this but bigger.

The Queen is the richest woman in the world and still gets a substantial pay out from the tax payer every year, for sixty long bastard years, she can easily afford to by every man, woman and child in Britain a beer... possibly even two. If she did that then I would have absolutely no problem celebrating the hell out of her frikkin' jubilee.

eddie <sixty years and no promotion she must be shit at her job>

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