Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Anders Breivik: A Man Of Integrity?

Honest, upstanding, truthful. All words that haven't been used to describe Anders 'I Shoot Kids' Breivik. I don't know if your aware of Anders Breivik. I don't like to assume. If you aren't aware of him he's the raging twat-bag who exploded two bombs in Norway on the 22nd of July 2011, killing 8 people, and then went on a shooting spree which killed another 69 people mostly teenagers. In conclusion he is, what is commonly known as, a dick. Yes I'm grasping at the incredibly low hanging fruit of throwing insults at a mass murderer. Has anyone got a problem with this? I mean I know it's an easy target but it is topical and also I reckon I can make a decent run of it, so here we go. Anyway the key to this entire little rant I'm about to go on is the fact that Anders Breivik is a slimy lying coward of a man.

In addition to being a mass-murdering trundle-cunt he is
the 2008 winner of the world's most punchable face contest

I actually love when a guy like this winds up being taken alive. It's just about my favourite kind of twenty-four hour rolling news circus other than when there's a war on... I'm sorry I know that war is a terrible thing but ongoing news coverage of one is objectively awesome, few things get me more excited than the words “... and now we go live to the virtual war-room.”... I've wandered well off topic here haven't I. So anyway I love it when one of these mass murdering bag of dicks gets taken alive and put on a real live trial. You see I always worry that as these turd-burglars gets shot between the eyes, there final delude thoughts are that they have achieved their goals. It's why I'm so glad that the marines running the prison that held Saddam showed him the South Park movie before he died, just so he knows exactly where he fits in the universe.

In fifty years time this is the only way anyone will
remember this tosser... sometimes as a species we do OK.

Breivik could have died believing that he had in fact started a huge tidal wave of anti-muslim violence that would sweep the Islamic faith from Europe. As it is he now gets to see the massive pile of nothing that his actions changed and gets to have every bullshit assertion he's made ripped to shreds by a gleeful media. I rarely applaud the mainstream media but I have to say for the most part they've been fantastically great this time around.

Yes that's right mainstream media I'm paying you a
compliment don't be to shocked... I'll get over it soon

It started with Breivik claiming that he was member of a super-secret society of equally stupid cunt-thumpers called the Knights Templar, who by the way get a terrible rap in most fictitious works, never piss off a pope I guess is the moral of that one... eh. Anyway the prosecution quickly went to work ripping this notion to shreds and the mainstream media jumped all over this, because the media loves kicking someone we hate more than them. Claims made by Breivik that he is completely sane and the media start questioning that, pointing out the massive pile of dead kids that isn't really a hallmark of the well adjusted. Breivik says that he is not a fascist nor a zionist and again his manifesto is combed for stuff that contradicts this despite the fact that is a confusing mess and a nightmare to read. Most recently Breivik has stated that he trained for his attacks using Call of Duty and the mainstream media has, as one, stood up and said “Seems legit.”

... and there's the familiar feeling of hatred leaking
back into my soul. Ahhhh welcome  back old friend.

Oh look at that I went in one direction and now I've jack-knifed over to discuss a completely separate issue sometimes it's almost as if I'm clever. So seriously mainstream media we were a team here. He was a twat, we both agreed, you kept giving me information on his twattery and then he says something you agree with and you don't even question it. OK fine apparently this shit is on me. OK fine I'll handle this it's cool if you can't be bothered I'll step away from the field of humorous dick jokes on the internet and into the realm of actual journalism.

I think we can all admit that one is a job with a long history
and a reputation of moral standing and the others journalism.

So I should point that the entirety of my research on this is that I have in fact played COD. So first off Breivik said that it's obvious to anyone who has played the game that the the holographic scope turns you into a master marksman. It's a higher level scope in the game that's absolutely true but if you can find a single person who prefers the holographic scope for running and gunning, which is what Breivik did. Laser dot sight is the way to go for that, the holographic scope is for sniping with an assault rifle, you know if you want to keep the option of close-combat that the sniper rifle doesn't really give you.

Also if you are planning a massacre and you've played
COD and you don't opt for an M4 you're a fucking idiot.

COD is also “used by many armies through out the world” because nothing prepares people for war like having your health regenerate when you hide behind a wall. The Americans actually have a game called America's Army, they had it made to train on they're not wasting there time on COD. He also claims that there are “many different tasks and some of those tasks can be compared to an attack, for real.” If you've ever played COD you'll know that the only task is “Shoot man with gun”. In fact the whole cover fire approach to the entire game dynamic is based on the fact that everyone else has a whole host of guns. The kids he shot didn't. The only part of this analogy that possibly works is the Russian Airport Massacre at the beginning of Modern Warfare 2 but even that is nothing like the crimes committed by Anders.

If you want a game that really turns you into a horrifying
murderous bastard then you have to opt for the Sims.

How is it that the mainstream media can cover the trial of an admitted mass-murderer and still piss me off more than anything about the actual story? For the first time in about a decade I wasn't focussed on the fact that you guys were dicks. For the first time in a year I wasn't preoccupied with the fact that you demonstrably complete and total toss-bags of the highest order and you just pissed the whole thing out the window. Wankers.

eddie <let's all believe what want to believe even when it isn't true>

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