Monday, 14 May 2012

We're Number 8!

Regular readers of this blog will know that I have on a few occasions touched upon my continued belief that the UK is completely and totally fucked because we have had successive generations of government in this country who seem to believe that money is the most important thing in the world. Unlike most of the things I've written on this blog I wasn't just making that up because I thought it leant itself to an easy gag, it's actually something I genuinely believe to be a fundamental fact. I also believe that until this problem is addressed it will impossible for any government to address the problems this country is facing. Oh yeah I'm doing a serious one today but it'll be an interesting thing to throw in the face of any tories you might find yourself cornered by at a party.

First image result for "drunk tory" it's too good not to use

In 2011 Britain had a GDP of 2 Trillion Dollars... yes that's correct 2 fucking trillion dollars, sorry for it not being in pounds but that's the way the global economy works. That makes the UK the eighth largest economy in the world, which isn't that shabby. If you're too lazy to click that link we are behind America, China, Japan, India, Germany, Russia and Brazil. I think that you can put together a moderately reasonable justification for being behind each of those guys, most of them have vastly greater populations than us... also I wouldn't be surprised to find out that every single person in Japan owns a giant robot power suit, even though I've actually been there. So anyway there we are in a fairly respectable eighth place. I don't think I could be called a liar if I was to state that most of the UK government's economic polices have been geared towards either maintaining or improving that placement.

Worlds Largest Economy: USA

So logic dictates that if there is a reason for doing this other than for the sake of money itself, then it will be easy to detect and prove. All we need is to look at the global rankings for all the stuff we actually care about and see if we come eighth or better. So let's start with health, as we all know without health we are nothing, according to WHO we are ranked... 18th in the world, I mean it's a reasonable place to be but it's not eighth is it. Incidentally other than Japan none of the countries above us on that list have a higher GDP. From that it seems fairly conclusive that being in the big boys club doesn't have much of an advantage when it comes to not keeling over because of a fatal heart attack. Top of that list by the way is France... so if we could channel that pointless rivalry we could all be a lot healthier.

Worlds Best Healthcare: France

So let's have a look at education, that's the powerhouse of the economy anyway, even though anyone with a brain can tell you it should be the other way around. Well this one's a bit more complicated because they have a tendency this rating is based upon three separate rankings for reading, maths and science but when you combine those results you find us sitting pretty at 20th again not bad but also not eighth also below the USA. Yeah the sting from that one will take a while to wear off won't it. Again it's worth noting that the only three countries above us on the education and the money chart are America, Japan and Germany. Top of that list is South Korea, who I wouldn't consider a major player on the world stage if it wasn't for their twatty neighbours.

Worlds Best Education: South Korea

OK so lets have a look at the big one the factor that matters more than any other. Happiness. Yes this is something that is actually measured by the UN and it turns out we once again manage to do quiet well and slide in at 18th. Which you'll notice isn't eighth. On that list we once again fall behind the US... that's the only country that is both richer and happier than us by the way. Top of that list is Denmark. The interesting fact about all three of these lists is that they are all topped by places that you wouldn't be massively upset about having to live in, you know if you had to help set up a new office for work or something.

Worlds Happiest Country: Denmark

Then again it's easy to complain... I mean at least I have the right to complain, there's a lot of countries in the world where even writing a angry critique like this would get me in trouble. At least I live in the 13th most democratic nation on earth. That's right the worlds oldest democracy has only let twelve other nations get ahead of it. Finland is tops in this category, they also show up above us on most of the lists I've linked here. Democracy has been spreading further and wider these days thanks of course to the internet, so at least I have the privilege of living the country with the fifteenth best download speeds.

Worlds Most Democratic Country: Finland

I'll be honest with you I write an article like this by starting with a baseless assertion like the one from the first paragraph and then research as I go. Now I knew I wasn't going to get the rug pulled out from me on this one, I was kind of expecting to run into at least one thing that this country did better than accruing wealth for the top one percent... Oh hold on... No we're twelfth for wealthdistribution. Just checked the list of the worlds most sustainable countries best I could dig up is this top ten... and we're not on it. Hold on we've got the BBC that's got to count for something is there a global ranking for media. There is a media freedom index and we are... 28th OH COME ON! Writing this has been fundamentally depressing. HOLD ON I GOT ONE! We are 4th in the world for, wait for it... MILITARY SPENDING. Seriously just fuck everything.

Worlds Freest Press: Luxembourg

So that's the grim truth about the Britain's prized place as a major player on the world economic stage. It isn't really worth it. Every time that you hear a politician talking about how we can't put more money into healthcare, education or sustainable development because the economy is in bad shape just remember that the economy is doing better than all those things. It's also key that you remember that the only reason that we have an economy is to allow us to afford these other things. Everyone of these metrics should be on the same level and I we have to pull the economy down to pull the others up then that's exactly what we should be fucking doing

eddie <actually quiet fucking angry after writing this>

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