I work
within a stones throw from the world's largest building site by which
of course I mean the new Olympic stadium which I obviously can't
actually throw a stone at because I'd be strafed by a UAV. As such I
have engaged in many a conversation about the upcoming sporting
malarkey and have to admit that I am moderately looking forward to it
all. I'm particularly looking forward to the diving as it's the event
that has the highest possibility of serious, and therefore hilarious,
injury. When it comes to the Olympics I'm going to wind up watching a
whole bunch of events that I don't give the slightest stuttering fuck
about, in these cases I'm hoping for the most entertaining turn of
events. That brings me to the uncomfortable subject of how to
correctly watch the Paralympics, and more importantly how to
correctly laugh at the Paralympics. Oh yes
that's right it is entirely acceptable to have a chuckle at both the
thrills and/or spills of the differently-abled. Allow me to
illustrate that point with this video from the Beijing Olympics...
What did
you see there? Did you see a bunch of disabled people in trouble?
Because when I watch that clip I see a group of highly trained
athletes involved in a hilarious accident. If you think that It's
wrong to laugh at that ask yourself if you would laugh at the exact
same accident if it involved able bodied athletes. Of course you
would it's hilarious. Therefore if you didn't laugh you are
prejudiced. You horrible, horrible bastard. I hope you feel terrible
about yourself. You see there is a popular opinion among people who
don't understand the true nature of dignity and respect. I personally
find a guy a wheelchair falling over funnier than an able bodied
person falling over just because of the sheer amount of extra
difficulty involved on getting a chair to fall over. That's not got
anything to do with them being disabled. I find a person in a
wheelchair falling over funny regardless of whether or not that
person can walk or not, because a person travelling at speed in a
metal chair that then flips over is inherently amusing. It's much
much more amusing if that person is the kind of person that should be
taken seriously, like say... a professional athlete.
This is what the top rung of our society looks like. Good work team mankind. |
Basic
comedy theory tells you that when serious and dignified people end up
looking stupid it's funny. The only reason that you wouldn't find the
idea of a bunch of professional highly trained athletes slamming into
each other at speed is if you didn't see them as having dignity to
start with. True equality is the right to be laughed at for the exact
same stupid reasons as everyone else. There is no reason not to laugh
at the disabled... as long as you're not laughing at the disability.
So there you have the official guidelines on how to laugh at the
Paralympics. Don't laugh at the silly equipment, don't laugh at the
funny way they run and don't laugh at the looks on their faces but if
they do something that is objectively funny and you don't laugh then
you are a prejudiced bigot.
Pictured: You... you dick. |
Unfortunately
disability is a sliding scale. There is nothing funny about a
recently disabled man falling whilst engaged in the arduous physical
therapy that is required to move on with his life. However if you're
at the point where you get to compete in the Olympics, have
sponsorship deals and regularly appear on Blue Peter your life is
actually significantly better than mine. You could argue that if my
laughter is fuelled by spite and petty jealously and still I'd be a
million times more respectful towards the disabled than those who
withhold laughter from the misfortune of the handicapped through
pity. So go laugh at the disabled with joy in your heart and spring
in your step and know that you are an honest and decent person. You
know as long as you're not laughing at them indiscriminately... I
mean that's not cool. Just when something funny happens to them.
Clear. Good.
eddie
<only slightly emotionally disabled>
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