Thursday, 3 May 2012


Racisms a funny thing... I mean it's funny to observe, obviously to be a victim of racism probably isn't that much of a giggle. I find it massively amusing that some people, idiots mostly, can look at other people and make a snap judgement that that person came out of the wrong kind of vagina and as such is in some way less than you is just about the most fundamentally ridiculous thing in the world. I'm white by the way. I'm also not a racist. Which inherently undermines racism because it proves a fundamental difference between people of similar genetic make-up. However that said I can't stand the fucking mole-people. However until my most recent run in with these elusive subterranean bastards I'd never had access to the correct racial slurs to adequately express my dislike of these trundle-cunts. I realised that there is a huge problem with not having the correct insults for run-ins with the more fantastical beings in the universe. I like to view my writings as a public service and as such I'm going to rectify this problem so without further ado here is a list o fantastical beings and a selection of racial slurs to throw at them should you need to.

Mole-people: Tunnel-fucker, Deadeye, Slope-face, bump-reading bastards.
Centaurs: MLP (My Little Pony), Shetland, Plough-puller.
Wizards: Mana-fiend, Potion-swiller, Staff-gobbler.
Witches: Tree-humper, Wand-fucker, Broom-dick.
Wood Elves: Tree-faggot, Leaf-fucker, Hippy-toss-git (that last one works on hippies as well)
High Elves: Cobbler, Toy-maker, Dobby-botherer.
Dark Elves: Shadow-cunt, Thief, Low-elf.
Trolls: Child-eating fat-backed hill-fucker.
Ogres: Rock-brain, Slag, Ore-slave.
Beast-men: Man-fucker (think about it), Cattle, Fur-faced toss-beast.
Lizard-men: Bug-eater, Lisper (they have big tongues), NAD (Not A Dinosaur).
Hawk-men: Tweety-pie, Canary, Pigeon-raper.
Fauns: Cloth-chewer (the faun version of window-licker), Head-smacker, Double dick-head.
Dryads: Tree-bitch, Sap, Woodworm.
Ents: Kindling, Firewood, Axe-shy <insert preferred expletive>
Dragons: Barbecue, HIW (Handbag in waiting), Magic-shop (all there good for is parts).
Goblins: Micro-ork, Level 2 (just above a giant rat on the easy kill list), Rat-rider
Unicorns: Gay-rhino, Dick-horn, Queer-horse.
Orks: Beast, Poor-mans Elf, UD (Ugly in the Dark).
Dwarves: Shorty, Beardless, Axe-fucker.
Werewolves: Loony (from lunar), Dog/Bitch/Son-of-a-bitch (anything dog related), Cow-killer.
Vampires: Glitter-ball (they hate Twilight), Corpse, Bat-fucker.
Sasquatches: Bigfoot (the only one stupid enough to get filmed), Snow-man, Monkey-suit.
Hobbits: Shit-dwarf, Food-bitch, Bait.

Whilst this is by no means a definitive list feel free to add to it in the comments, and please understand that I don't have any negative feelings towards any of these creatures... except the fucking mole-people, but sometimes you really need to piss someone off. So if you ever feel the to slur a one of these creatures I hope this is useful.

eddie <spread the hate>

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