Sunday, 1 April 2012

True Lies

This week in Britain a Tory said something, other people in this country believed the words that the Tory said and then the country exploded. To explain a little more, one of the Tory's said that there was going to be a strike by the people who deliver petrol. This was a lie. Some people in this country believed that this was going to happen and took the excessively sensible precaution of purchasing some fuel. This led to a brief fuel shortage, this led to more people seeing the good sense in taking the precaution of buying some fuel. This continued in a series of logical steps until there was no fuel in the country,the price of any that arrived was triple what it should be and the government had made a substantial amount of money off of the revenue. Then the union involved announced that they were not intending to strike. A huge amount of panic caused, real issues for the countries infrastructure and a huge number of people made to feel like utter fools. Now I don't drive so I did spend a whole chunk of this affair with a cynical cackle lurking just behind my lips. However it wasn't the simple joy of schadenfreude that made me laugh so much at this entire cluster-fuck, oh no it was the simple fact that everyone involved deserved what happened to them. They made one of the most ridiculous errors in the world. They believed a Tory.

That's not even his real arm.

Now I feel I should be completely clear on this one and say it was one of the blue tories that was responsible for this particular incident, although the yellow and the red tories were conspicuous in their silence. It is a fundamental truth of the British political system that tories lie. I'm not just referring to the big lies, about things like policy, ideology and basic human values but also about things like what they had for lunch, what bands they like and how many rent-boys they've fucked that day. Scholars have spent a lot of time and effort researching this phenomena and have still not been able to say whether the pathological need to lie is a side-effect of the soul removal procedure that occurs when a person joins the UK political system or whether the inability to tell the truth under any circumstances is what first brings these insidious creatures to the attention of the dark cabals that run these organisations.

"Personally, I feel, that Ethiopia could use another famine."

This is of course only one of the vast multitude of lies that the blue team have told since they were not elected to run this country. We had an election and we all agreed that we didn't want any of these cunts running the show and as a result of our incredibly fair electoral system we now have two of these fuck-buckets in charge of things. No we were also told by the Prime Minister and Supreme K'jhaltot of the Lizard People David Cameron that 'We're all in this together'. As it transpires what this actually meant was that his rich friends weren't going to be able to stay rich without a whole bunch of poor people to stamp upon. Stamping on paupers is in fact the only reason rich people bother to get rich in the first place, it doesn't hurt that the very best results are achieved with solid gold shoes... but I digress the point I'm trying, somewhat unsuccessfully, is that tories lie and if you start listening to the things that liars say then life is going to get very difficult.

Speaking of liars... He's never even been to London.

My advice is simple. Don't listen to a single word that any of the tories, regardless of what colour they wear, ever say. It may seem like it's difficult to keep yourself at arms length of the constant stream of utter bullshit that these monkeys spout as part of their owners plans to get you to support the concept of your own moral, spiritual and financial rape, but in actuality the opposite is true. Reading the commentary of good journalists acts as a bullshit filter. Unfortunately in Britain we don't have that many journalists, most of the time we have to settle for reporters instead. So the best way to go about it is to ignore anything you see or hear when a politician is on screen. Instead seek out real cynical bastards with a flair for research and read what they have to say about recent political events and then don't believe that until you've checked it all out yourself... It's a lot of work but it's the only way to navigate a political system populated entirely with lying bastards

eddie <deep mistrust is a hallmark of intelligence>

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