Thursday, 1 March 2012

Here Comes The Sun

Would you like to hire some military to protect your country from various wrong-doers and ne'er-do-wells? Well if you are after the best of the best may I recommend my crack-team of happy-troops? What references do the happy-troops have? Well they were previously known as the Waffen SS and ran operations such as Aushwitz, Belzec and Treblinka extermination camps where they slaughtered millions of Jews on an industrial scale. Oh, I know what you're thinking, don't worry we've got a new commanding officer, gotten rid of a few bad apples and we've got a new name. Of course you don't want to do that you'd have to be, not only a moron, but possibly a complete and total psychopath.

"What about if we call ourselves the 'Bunny Brigade' would people like us then?"

I'm not sure if you have the mental wherewithal to recall the long-long-ago but there used to be a publication in the British Isles called the News of the World. It was a grotty and horrible publication they mostly published massive lies and small retractions, every now and then though it would in fact publish something that was true. It was never an important thing, never in the public interest, but it would be interesting to those whose taste ran towards tittle-tattle and idle gossip. It spent most of it's time sharpening it's claws waiting for the perfect moment to tear down those people it had built up in the first place. It's entire purpose in life was to make the world a worse place.

... not unlike...

Then one day some people started to ask questions about where the News of the World was getting the rare true stories from. It turned out that the News of the World had gotten these stories illegally. No-one cared. Then it turned out that they'd not just got these stories about celebrities but also about real people. Real people who'd already had enough tragedy in there lives without a bunch of lying, twisted evil little shit-rakers breaching their privacy.

"I don't just like the taste of dead children but also what they do for circulation!"

The people of Britain were outraged, and for once those of us who lived here could take a small amount pride in a fellow Brits. NO! We cried as one people! Take your sordid little rag and get it the fuck away from us. Begone from our lands and never darken our news-agents again. So by now some of you are probably wondering what the fuck was occurring in that first paragraph. Strangely I wasn't just babbling like an incoherent fucktard.

... I'll pay cash to anyone who can make this picture funnier.

You see there's a new newspaper that has just launched in the UK. It's called the Sunday Sun. Now I'm certain some of you have managed to leap ahead of me here.


When the News of the World breathed it's last, no-one involved in it's production was actually fired, except for the editor. So all of those bastards that evaded arrest have now moved out of the offices of the Sun, downstairs from the News of the World's office, back upstairs and back to their old desks. There is an upside to this, I no longer have to feel any pride in the braying jackasses I share an island with because, for the most part, they fucking fell for it. A new driver and a new lick of paint don't make for a new car. The Sunday Sun is the News of the World. It is the same pedlar of lies, gossip and scum-baggery that it has always been and if you for one foolish second have allowed yourself to be fool then you are what's known as a fucking moron.

Much like this fine fellow.

Look I'm not saying that the average person is stupid enough to have fallen for this... but half of the people are below average. Those are the idiots who gave Simon Cowell a career, made Jade Goody out to be some form of hero and bought the News of the World successful in the fucking first place and after a brief moment of clarity they're back, to fuck it all up again.

eddie <a rose by any other name will still hack your voicemail>

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