Thursday, 22 March 2012

Fame! I'm Afraid It's Terminal

It has come to my attention that in my position as an internet god I should be doing more to better the lives of you my loyal fans. As such today's article is more of a public service announcement about a delicate public health issue. There is a sexually transmitted disease that has spent the last few decades ravaging a small sector of the world's population. It started back in the early 80s and since then it's spread rampantly leaving behind it a trail of destruction, it has ruined lives, decimated our culture and come to define a generation. I'm talking of course about fame.

There was some spirited debate over most worthless
celebrity... Kim Kardashian edged out Paris Hilton

Fame is one of the most virulent STDs that exists. Those that work in Music, Entertainment and the Arts have been the most effected. Most of these people have the good fortune to be wealthy, talented or successful enough to generate an income that allows them to fight the symptoms of this disease. Unfortunately over the last ten years this has started to spread to the outside this small community and into the wider world. Whilst those with talents and abilities that merit the kind of attention this condition requires can find it easy to manage even they sometimes succumb to this horrible disease. Those without the resources to fight the condition can find it a living hell.

Symptoms Include (but are not limited to):

Attention Craving.
A Lack Of Perspective.
Excessive And Tumorous Ego Growth.
Loss of Dignity.
Poor Priority Management.
Film Crews.
Frequent Lack Of Clothing.
Over Exposure.
Sex Tapes
Sense of Humour Loss

Fame is not only transmitted sexually but can also be passed down from parents to children. Some have the good fortune to merely be carriers, but the disease can return a generation later, in cases like this it's known as Hilton's Syndrome. So please if you think someone might be famous please take precautions before sleeping with them, check it's not being filmed. If you do sleep with someone famous and find yourself filled with an overwhelming urge to jettison your dignity into the heart of the sun by selling your story to a newspaper, you may have caught fame.

This man is believed to be the Typhoid Mary of fame

Most people who have fame allow the disease to develop beyond the early stages, when it is still possible to cure the disease. As such it is important to keep an eye on your friends, if you think that one of your friends may be suffering from fame there are a few ways that you can help. Slap them. Insult them. Do what ever you can to bring them back down to earth as quickly as possible. If that doesn't work then just shoot them... It's kinder in the long run.

eddie <now you know... and knowing is half the battle>

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