Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Are you an idiot?

It has recently come to my attention that the either the amount of idiots in the world has increased or the idiot community is becoming increasingly more vocal. This is a major issue. You see the more numerous and vociferous a group becomes the less shame is attached to being a member of that group. This was great in the case of homosexuals and, to a lesser extent, geeks, but if you are an idiot you should be ashamed. You see being an idiot is a choice. Intelligence is not genetic, unless you have the misfortune to be born with a mental disability, intelligence is, in point of fact, a choice. The mind is like any other part of the body; it develops rapidly in early life, it needs to be used regularly to be maintained and it’s never too late to start taking care of it.

Unless you listen to this man in which case... Kill yourself. 

People don’t like to accept this fact for a simple reason. It is wrong to mock people for things about themselves that they cannot change… if they’re not close friends. If someone is in a wheelchair you better have an epic amount of faith in the state of your relationship with them to start knocking out cripple joke. It is absolutely fine and dandy however to mock some for their dress-sense, hair-cut, opinions and personality. Or to put it another way it’s entirely fine to attack someone for the way they play the hand life’s dealt them just not the hand itself. Idiots would have us believe that they had no choice in being an idiot. This is a lie. Every single day that they woke up and went to school with no intention of learning a damn thing they choose to be an idiot. Every time they open their mouth without pausing to think about what they’re saying they choose to be an idiot. Every time they make the choice to watch anything with celebrity in the title rather than the news they make a choice to make the world a little bit less intelligent. Well I’m taking a stand I’m saying that enough is enough.

This is what I look like when I take a stand... it's hard to type with the chainsaw.

The idiot scourge, for a scourge it is, is incredibly problematic because of idiot behaviour. I fall into the physical category of ‘weak as piss’ this is due to a series of incredibly poor lifestyle decisions involving drugs, booze, drugs, laziness, cigarettes, drugs and crisps. I am aware of this, I mean to correct it in the not so distant future, and it means I defer to those stronger than myself when it comes to tasks involving lifting, pushing or hitting things. Idiots have no such qualms about using their admittedly weak mental power. You see as a moderately intelligent fellow… actually fuck it, this is my blog so fuck modesty… as a man of staggering colossal intellectual prowess I recognise my own limitations, yes I have limitations don’t let the revelation shock you to much gentle reader. As such I defer to others when needed.

Pictured: Some of my team of experts.

For example I have not done the necessary research to confirm that the planet is warming up as a result of human interference. However I find it incredibly easy to believe that it is happening because of the massive consensus of people even more intelligent than me who have devoted their lives to studying this. Idiots instead choose to ignore this because they don’t understand it and they don’t want to change their lifestyle. I don’t fully comprehend every single step of human evolution so I, once again, defer to the intelligent people who have devoted their entire lives to the study of evolutionary biology and have, once again, arrived at a massively overwhelming consensus. Idiots, again, choose to ignore these facts because they are too mentally lazy to shift their way of thinking. Finally I don’t really have too much of an idea how exactly we know that the universe is approximately fourteen billion years old but, again, I choose to defer to the vast consensus of highly intelligent people who have devoted there life to studying this field. Idiots don’t do this.

Because they are idiots.

So the next time you meet an idiot don’t try to reason with them, don’t point out flaws in their logic or attack their ideas just rip them to shreds… mock them until they cry ask them why they chose to be stupid and then destroy them for it. Hopefully by bringing back a healthy dollop of shame to being an idiot we can move away from a world of creationists, climate change deniers and Kardashian’s and move back in the direction of not being horrifyingly ashamed of the society we find ourselves. If you are an idiot try having a mooch around,,, or any one of a million websites that will help your brain develop to average or better.

eddie <shooting passers-by from my ivory tower>

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