How Many Britons?

In case you don't follow the news, because you're an ignorant fuck-wit, recently a cruise-ship fell over. Now I'm not entirely sure how you do something like that but I'm guessing it has something to do with putting a moron in charge of the boat. Anyway the important thing here is that no-one from Britain was killed. That is the important thing isn't it? I mean if it wasn't important then it wouldn't merit a mention on the news... and it fucking does. Now I'm not levelling this criticism directly at the british media as I have it on good authority that this happens in every country. Weirdly they actually report on the number of dead from their own countries, the fools don't even seem to realise that the dead of their nations aren't as important as ours, well at least according to our papers. I don't know what kind of crap they're telling you in your country.

Anyone got a non-racist joke for this caption?

I'm certain that some of you may have managed to see through the obscuring fog of my sarcasm to those who haven't... SURPRISE! I WAS BEING SARCASTIC. Sorry to the intelligent among you but apparently some of you are to thick for subtlety. Anyway I know what you're thinking, don't ask how the less you know about my operation the less of a security risk you are, they report this because there is a higher chance of you knowing someone who's been horrifically mangled into tiny dead pieces if they live geographically close to you. BULLSHIT! Again I don't want to risk subtlety being wasted on the more slack-jawed of you. Have you ever picked up a newspaper read about a horrific natural disaster and quickly flipped through it to check that no-one you know is dead?

"My wife's dead? I had been wondering where she'd gone."

No of course not because you're a human being... probably. The newspapers don't even have access to the personal information of these dead country-man for the very sensible reason that no-one should learn about the death of a loved one from the Daily fuckin' Mail except, weirdly, people who read the Daily Mail. If someone you even vaguely know died during 9/11 you didn't find out from the news, you found out from someone else who knew them. This is by far the best system for spreading traumatic news, it allows the blow to be softened to the appropriate level. So all the news is reporting is that some people in the category of 'cunts that I've never met' have died but that some of them fall into the category of 'cunts from slightly nearer that I've never met'.

Only gave the slightest shit about this whilst worrying for Kate Winslet's well-being.

There are two rapidly opposing defaults that I have towards compassion for my fellow humans. Massively caring about everyone and hating everyone to an equal extent. You see the human race has a habit of fucking each other over and that makes me angry when I'm in the caring state and manifests as a deep-seated hatred. This all means that I naturally oscillate from being thoroughly amazed by the ongoing wonder that is humanity and being filled with vile rage that I have to share my planet with you cunts. I either want you all dead or I love you all equally, either way this news about the number of people within a certain radius of my abode who may or may not be alive is completely and totally irrelevant.

Never met him, don't care that he's gone.

However this rant is equally irrelevant as the papers will continue to report this twaddle as long as they believe that the human race is bigoted enough to buy it. Unfortunately there's no control being run on this experiment. If a horrible disaster happens somewhere in the world, all the papers report on it exactly the same way 'X Britons are believed to be among the dead'. If the earth was ever to be destroyed some papers would lead with the line 60 Million Britons are among the dead. It's horse-shit of the highest order and it's beneath us a species to do it. The way the world has changed and evolved over the last 10 years I'm as likely to know the Russians among the dead as the Brits. I dunno, maybe I'm wrong maybe it shouldn't be done away with maybe they should just change it a bit... A Volcano has Erupted in Peru, 20 Buffy Fans are believed to be among the dead.

eddie <I treat all creeds, nations and races with equal contempt>