Wednesday, 19 October 2011

I apologise in advance to the mongoloids who completely miss the point of this.

Well, well, well. It seems that twitter is all-a-kerfuffle over some humorous comments that @rickygervais, the twitter persona of esteemed comedian Ricky Gervais, made which included the word mong. You'll note that I didn't say that he made comments about mongs merely that he included the word mong. Stuff such as "Two mongs don't make a right". Now this led to an all out twit-storm in which a bunch of hypocrites decided to get offended... yes that's right, every single person offended by Mr Gervais's judicious application of the word mong is a hypocrite. While that may sound like an insane proclamation it is, actually, a fact. Allow me to explain. Those offended by these tweets fall into two categories, those who follow the bearded funny-man on twitter and those who don't. If you don't follow him, then you are offended because someone else told you to be. If you do follow him, then you must have decided to do so because you liked his work. In the seminal comedy show 'The Office' two of the main characters leave a disabled woman on a staircase during a fire drill. If you weren't a fan of Gervais's brand of close to the knuckle humour then you shouldn't have been following him. However that isn't what I want to talk about. I want to talk about offensive words.
Anyone Japanese reading this is really very offended right now.
Cunt, wank, balls, shit, fuck, piss, bastard and so on and so forth, are not offensive words. They are words. If you think that they are offensive then you don't actually understand the nature of offense. You see these are merely words that people have told you are offensive. There are some words in the English language that are offensive. Genocide, homophobia and collateral-damage are all offensive words invented through despicable necessity because of what the human race really is when you strip away the lies that we choose to cloak ourselves in. Where as cunt, wank, balls, shit, fuck, piss, bastard and so on and so forth are words used as a way to turn the mudanities of human existence into titillation.
I thoroughly enjoyed the Google Image search for this picture.
Cunt is just a four letter word for a human body part, the only difference between cunt and hand is a bit of lube. It is also one of my favourite words, the reason it is considered by some be offensive actually has nothing to do with the inherent meaning of the word but actually to the do with the way the word is structured. Firstly it's built around 'U' the most offensive vowel, for those wondering 'E' is the least. Secondly it has the required four letter form that lends itself to the finest swear-words. Finally it has a hard 'C' which adds a nice crunch. Now the reason I say that the meaning of this word isn't what's offensive, is the fact that vagina is considered a more acceptable word and vagina has it's entomological roots in the Latin word for scabbard... SCABBARD! A place to keep your fucking sword! It's one of the most, if not the most, misogynistic words in the English language. The point I'm trying to make is that the original meaning of a word isn't where it gets it's power from. Power is drawn from a words current usage. 
Nigger. Nigger is the answer I have on the card. No points will be given for nigga'.
Nigger is a bad word because the history the word has attached to it. This means the word is sadly off-limits in some situations and that's an important distinction, nigger is a word that can be used by black people any which way they choose but can only be used by white people at other white people. Now it's important to note that the word nigger used to be a very powerful word and that power has been destroyed over time, and that has not been achieved by prohibition. The word nigger has been re-appropriated and placed at the very centre of an entire culture that has in a few scant generations not just taken the edge off of the word but actually taken it away from those who used to wield it. The same is true of the journey the word queer has taken over the last few decades.
Written in a fairly mongy way I think you'll agree.
Now when it comes to mong, this re-appropriation is off the cards. If someone with down syndrome decided to wear a t-shirt with mong written on it in big letters and declared themselves proud to be a mong, you would assume someone had fucked with the poor spastic wouldn't you? Before you even start, the word spastic was the name of a charitable foundation that aided those with disabilities until they re-branded as Scope. The reason for this change was the fact that the word spastic had been stolen and corrupted. If spastic can change its meaning over time then so can mong. You see, until this recent furore, I'd actually forgotten about the root of the word mong and had, in fact I spent my Sunday just monging out, watching movies with some friends. Even when used in as abuse it's always used in a kindly manner, the phrase "Don't be such a mong" is filled with a playfulness that robs it of the energy of a word like cunt. This word is well on it's way to being completely robbed of any power and the only thing that can restore that power is taboo. I don't want that to happen I'm glad we live in a world where cunt is the only real swear-word left, oh if you're reading this from somewhere other than the UK then you should know that we here in Good Old Blighty are currently moving to re-purpose cunt as a fuck replacement... we're not all the way there yet but it is already being regarded for it's versatility.
"I'm Eddie, and I endorse this message"
The bald truth of it is that words are never offensive. Intent is the only thing that can be. "I hate gay people." There isn't a single offensive word in that sentence but the intent behind the sentence renders it offensive. When I was in school the words Jonah and Colin were used to describe those with no friends and they were used far more viscously than I've ever heard the word cunt employed. The word nazi has all manner of horrifying connotations attached to it but it's been robbed of power over the years by the fact that English speakers globally take it not to mean ruthlessly efficient genocidalist, but rather to mean pompous jack-booted toss-piece. So embrace the words that people tell you are offensive take them out at parties and wave them around and then when everyone's gotten over the initial shock we can stop getting offended by the words that we think we should be and start getting offended by the intention lurking behind the innocent words used by those who seek to make the world a more evil place.

eddie <chuzzle-cunt is a fun word to say... consider it a gift>


  1. Deeply frustrating to read, due to multiple and often omittance of the required punctation. You wankingly incompetent, dirty fucking, gay for Jonah, arse bastard, mong cunting, shit storm of a nigger piss. More effort required. Don't do it early, do it right.

  2. I apologise whole heartedly. I'm having some issues with the behind the scenes side of blogger and this is not the version of this that should have published... I'll re-proofread and re-post shortly. Again apologies.