Monday, 7 November 2011


So my thrice weekly trip to the inspiration well was a little dry today. However I recently stated in an online conversation/debate/flame-war that hate is a fairly worthless emotion, due to the fact that it tends to inflict significantly more damage on the person holding it than on the intended target. In that vein I have decide to unburden myself.

So, in no particular order, here is a list of some people I hate.

Person: Nick Clegg.
Reason: Moral Cowardice, Betrayal and Blind Ambition.
This is the face he makes
after Cameron forces him
to swallow the black bile
 he emits instead of semen

There was a point not so long ago when Nick Clegg was a fair bright spot in the morass of political bastardry that is the House of Commons. However the recent election, which only yielded a clear victory for the 'anyone but these cunts' position, put Clegg in a position of almost unique power in the history of British Politics. He had a chance to grab some power and an opportunity to negotiate on his own terms. The nation waited with bated breath as this lone moral beacon got a chance to choose our next Prime Minister and exert a huge influence over the upcoming moral agenda. What was his price? Who would he choose to work with? Was he really the man we'd been led to believe he was? Now I should point out that I don't vote Lib-Dem... I always vote for the green party as I don't relish the idea of the Earth being on fire. However I was fairly hopeful about this change in the status quo. Even when he slid into bed with the Tories (the Conservative Tories not the Labour Tories) I was hopeful that this would mean a legislative agenda at least tempered with morality. Unfortunately as it has transpired the only thing Clegg has taken Cameron to task over is the roughness of his sand-papery balls on his chin. This man is worse than Charles Manson... at least Manson's principles have remained consistent.

Person: Mark Wahlberg
Reason: Continued Attacks on Cultural Heritage
I wanted to find a picture that
summed up why I hate this
 prick... the internet is a gift
that never stops giving.

There was a point when I could easily pick my favourite movie. It was a piece of classic 60's cinema featuring the immense talents of a Michael Caine at the peak of his powers, a comic master-class from the wonderful Benny Hill and the final performance of note from the epic Sir Noel Coward. I am talking of course of The Italian Job. This movie is not just great but is a crucial part of the English psyche. No-one from this nation would dream of defiling it... Enter Mark Fucking Wahlberg... Really Wahlberg did you think you could bring something to the film that Michael Caine couldn't. You cock. The Italian Job remake was so poor the studio had to sue Edward Norton to make him appear in it under contractual obligation. Wahlberg just likes pissing on the work of others... So now the cultural legacy of that great film had been more violated than Elisabeth Fritzl, I moved down the list and promoted The Planet of the Apes to the number one spot... Enter Mark Cunting Wahlberg. The Planet of the Apes remake didn't just piss on the originals story, continuity and anti-nuclear message it was also terribly flawed, poorly acted and bafflingly scripted. I wouldn't be surprised if this mongoloid decided to star in a remake of fucking Jaws. 

Person: Glen Beck
ReasonHypocrisy, Breeding Fear and Hate Mongering
Don't look directly into his eyes...
if you do he replaces all of your
happy memories with images of
screaming children.

It is a timeless truth that the left wing of any political system has an easier time of existing in opposition than the right wing. The left wing tends to have the musicians, artists and most importantly the comedians. During the Bush era the hatred, anger and dissatisfaction the American Left-Wing (the equivalent of the right wing everywhere else on the globe) transmuted itself into laughter at the people in power, helped ably along by the great work of the Stewarts, Feys and Colberts of the world. However when the Obama administration came to power the Republicans instead only had the Fox Lies Network to turn to. Now I actually like O'Reilly, I disagree with everything he says, but he is willing to debate, admit he's wrong and point out the more extreme follies of his own team. Glen Beck is a sinister little cunt who I am fairly certain can only achieve orgasm by picturing Democrats being speared with bayonets. His support of the Tea Party and yet easy dismissal of the Occupy movement combined with his blind support of everything Republican and constant backtracking and rewriting of history make him the Jospeh Goebbels of Right-Wing America.

Person: Tony Blair
Reason: Pathological Liar, Narcissist and War Criminal
This is the creepiest mother-
fucking picture currently
available on the earth.
Tony Blair took the Labour Party and turned them into an effective and electable force. He did this by turning them into the Conservative Party. That, however, is not why I hate him. I hate him because he was so fake I genuinely don't think he ever told the truth, even by accident. He was a man of sound-bites, spin and focus groups... and nothing else. I originally thought he had no substance. Then the Iraq war happened and I realised that all that stage management was there to hide the cold heart of a socio-path. I genuinely believe that as news came in of the first air-strikes Tony Blair had to hide his excitement at the growing numbers of dead Iraqi children. This cruel and malicious cunt hasn't even had the good grace and dignity to admit any responsibility for a single mistake during his reign. While I've softened to George W. Bush, a man I don't want running a country or anything but I reckon he's a great laugh to go drinking with in Texas, the total lack of anything approaching a human-like emotion has made my hate for Blair grow massively.

Person: Chris Brown
Reason: Brutality, Ego and Complete Obliviousness To Reality
Shortly after this picture was
taken Chris savagely beat this
puppy into a fine paste.
I'm not alone in hating Chris Brown, in fact over at they devoted an entire article to ways of trolling the petulant child. The list of damn fine reasons to despise the Brownster is so long as to be fairly ridiculous. It's not often when a man beats the ever-loving shit out of a beautiful well-liked and respected woman and that's not even the biggest reason to dislike him. I'm not selling the beating, which was monstrous, short but the way he has chosen to conduct himself since then. He is an angry man-child of a creature. He is constantly demanding forgiveness and gets angry that the majority of society is still stuck on the 'Dude you beat Rihanna to a bloody pulp.' Well you know what Brown you don't get to tell me how I'm supposed feel about your dabbling in domestic violence.

Person: George Lucas
Reason: Pissing on People's Childhood
He stores shattered childhood
dreams in his neck bulge

Imagine that one year you were given a puppy for Christmas, from a jolly uncle or some such, now let's imagine that the next day your uncle came round in a weird mood and kicked the puppy to death. Now imagine he made you watch. Now imagine that instead of one night he left it 16 years for you to grow incredibly attached to the puppy. Now imagine that the puppy was as good as Star Wars. Now imagine that your uncle charged you money to watch him kill the puppy... and then he went around and found all of your pictures of the puppy and added Hayden Fucking Christiansen to all of them... Fuck George Lucas is what I'm driving at here. He gave us one of the greatest gifts of all time just so he could crush it in front of us for his own petty amusement and he got us to pay him for the pleasure of watching him steal joy from the world. Also Jar-Jar Binks... Cunt

Person: The Pope
ReasonPaedophilic Gay-Rape
I can't look at him without
hearing the imperial march

I may have a million and one problems with both the concept of G/god/s and with the overwhelming societal control mechanism that is organised religion but that's not the reason I despise Mr Big Hat. I dislike him because of his involvement in the gay-rape of children. I'm not specifying gay-rape out of any homophobic impulse (gay men actually tend to buy me drinks... making them good people) but rather due to the fact that the Catholic Church is insanely homophobic and yet the priests only ever rape little boys not little girls. The Bible is very clear on homosexuality and yet doesn't mention paedophilia at all... anyway I digress. The man currently sitting in the big chair has been implicated in the cover-up of this despicable practice and as I have stated previously the only reason to cover this shit up and that's because you like it. I'm not saying that the Pope fucks kids... but he definitely does.

Person: Michelle Bachmann
Reason: Rampant Homophobia
Unlike Palin I wouldn't even
rape this bitch to prove a point

If you were to look up 'complete and total cunt' in the dictionary you wouldn't find a picture of Michelle Bachmann because that's not how dictionaries work. I was originally going to go with Sarah Palin, but she's to stupid to properly hate. Bachmann combines the same hateful and spiteful rhetoric as Palin with a considerable amount of political nous making her a much greater threat. In addition to this she is married to a man who runs a camp that takes confused teenagers and makes them 'pray the gay away'. She met this man and instead of recoiling in abject horror at the, borderline retarded, hatred that this man's rotting husk played host to she found that he fired her engine. The pair are the most hateful couple since Adolf and Eva. Anyone who defines their life through mindless hatred and persecution needs to be taken into a back room and be killed with hammers for the good of humanity.

Person: Chad Kroeger
Reason: Everything
If you don't want to punch
this guy on sight then your
eyes don't work properly.
Ever since the demon-spawn Chad and his vile henchmen formed the group Nickelback he has been waging a one man war on good musical taste. The apex of this shit mountain was a track entitled 'How You Remind Me'. This song actually marks the low-point of human creative achievement. If you locked me in a room with this track playing on loop, no way to shut it off and a drill I would point the drill into my temple within the hour. The low level evil this twat-faced purveyor of sin in sound form, I won't call it music, has visited upon the world is a greater evil than almost anything on this list. This song still gets played on the radio, the small increments of negative emotion he slowly emits into the world has probably led to more evil and harm than you can possibly imagine. He exists purely to add another shit ball on to the pile of crap that is your shitty day. Look I'm a fairly laid back peace and love kind of guy but if I ever meet this guy I'll kill him with a brick... I've spent hours choosing the right brick... sharp edges, rough face and a solid composition. Fuck Chad Kroeger.

Well... I apologise for pouring bile into your face via the internet... as a way of making up for it here is a nice picture.

Now don't say I never do anything nice for you.
eddie <I feel better now>

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